presence

Life and Death

Life and Death

I was so proud of Sam, so taken back by her comfort. I was sobered by her ability - when it really comes down to the pain of things - to really be there for someone. To lay right down there with them and go through the thick of it with them.

I think of grief. The grief of my own loss, or of watching a loved one go through it, or of not necessarily losing someone but indirectly hurting someone who loves me. I think of all the heavy and light miscommunication in this world. 

Grief is something you carry. It’s not quite something you move through. You learn where it fits, where it’s recurved the structure of your body. What parts of your skin ache when seated a certain way now. And respecting that. You find a new normal.

 

Feeling It

Feeling It

Make space for the sadness, the grief, the loss and make space for the relief and the hope. 

Sit down with these feelings and invite them into your home, into your mind. Let them be something else for you now.

Renounce whatever preconceptions you’ve had of them before, no longer believe there is something wrong with them. Make them something else. Allow them to be something else. It’s a simple as that. It’s almost too simple. Just play with the idea of giving them an alternate reality.

It’s hard because you go somewhere with it all. You go somewhere else with it. You take these feelings and you transform them into something else, you give them another identity. Meaning you’re not right where it is.

 

Happiness, LIVE

Happiness, LIVE

It's almost like some old feeling - some old teaching - is holding us back from it.

Maybe you can let yourself go to the happiness but then just minutes later you worry about the next thing. Maybe thoughts ring in your head: "You can be doing so much more with your time." "Did you have a productive day?" "What else can you be doing?" "That's not good enough."

Why don't we let ourselves have it?

Why are we not present for it?

Because we're so used to stressing and filling our every waking moment, our every break in thought.

So then how do we reverse this, how do we become present in our days? Present in our happiness?