I think I figured it out.
It’s so simple really… but I guess overlooked it.
The purpose of life.
Kind of funny, now, to think that I overlooked the thing I’ve been searching endlessly for. And it’s only funny now because I feel a sweet release for having found it.
You know how things become a lot more “ok” once you’ve figured them out, once you’re a little more removed from them?
Almost like a relationship that isn’t working for you; it feels relentless when you’re in it and you’re blinded, but as soon as you’re really out, you surprise yourself with your quick ability to laugh at things.
Every inch getting close to it was a battle - but that’s not to be mistaken with negative connotation. It’s not always such a “struggle,” per se. Sometimes fun, sometimes happy, sometimes filled with love… but also, equally, at the same time such an internal pang at your soul… searching… Where is it? Where is it? Who am I? Who are they? When will I know? When will I have this all figured out?
At this point in my life, I don’t really think any of us are first and foremost here for anyone else. Although, it’s definitely arguable. I am someone who believes a big part of her purpose is to be with this one, special, other person. But I always knew, even if I didn’t want to believe it, that that wasn’t quite… all… of it.
It’s not about any thing else. It’s not to show anyone anything. Not to gain any thing…
At least not for my “tribe” - as I like to call the people who are like me. The soul searchers, the ones who are restless, who can’t become what the world is trying to make them be. Who don’t want to listen to what the world tells them; instead they want to listen to Mother Earth and the Universe.
When I was a kid, I just knew I wanted to save the world. Which ever way that made sense. In certain stages of my childhood, that meant being a super hero, or like Leeloo’s character in the movie The Fifth Element. In a bit older stages, it meant being the “first female president of the United States,” I used to say.
If someone asked me today what I want to do, I’d simply tell them that I want to save the world still. That society didn’t change me, and that I’m not going to let the world of adulthood stop me. This society, this collection of mentalities in which kids’ dreams get torn down and things go from “anything is possible” to “everything is harder than you thought.” Obligations. No freedom, no natural beauty.
Our eyes literally don’t see the same vibrance of colors in the Crayola box.
So back to the questions: What am I here for? Who am I? When will I know?
In my opinion, it’s about leaning into yourself. Looking at the inside of your palm, all those minute little lines and thinking, “My God, how miraculous.” Or shutting the radio off on the ride home and really coming back to yourself after a really hard day.
Do you harbor a real relationship with yourself? Do you embrace what you are literally made of - every organ, freckle and vein? Is it really that silly to do that, when these are you, your temple?
If you haven’t drank enough water today, it’s about recognizing the need to do so for your organs - your companions that make this whole thing work.
If you’re not being treated right, it’s about doing what it takes to get your gentle soul out of that situation. If you’re hurting, it’s about understanding that and doing what it takes to heal.
If you want something for yourself, assess and work through the steps and all of their respective battles - whether it’s a rainy road or a rosy one.
It’s about catching yourself as you compare yourself to those who have the roses if you have the rain. Your life is different than theirs. You are dealt things that no one else on this planet has been dealt: all the factors that comprise one, unique life.
And who said the rain isn’t a magnificent and beautiful thing?
Yes, we are all going through things, and you will find people along the way who can empathize with specific circumstances of life that you can, and that is a comradeship to be honored for sure. But no one has your exact combination, your exact recipe.
So, what is it that you’re looking for? Love? Happiness? Money? Travel?
I once heard an old Hindu legend that hit me pretty hard, but now has boundless profoundness to me:
There was once a time when all human beings were gods, but they so abused their divinity that the chief gods decided to take it away from them and hide it where it could never be found. Where to hide their divinity was the question? The gods thought, “Let’s bury it deep within the Earth! But then they said “No, that’s no good. Humans will dig it up and find it there.” “Let’s bury it in the ocean!” “No,” they realized, “Humans will learn to dive to find it.”
Then the gods decided: "Here is what we will do. We will hide their divinity deep in the center of their own being, for humans will never think to look for it there.
All the gods agreed that this was the perfect hiding place, and the deed was done. And since that time humans have been going up and down the earth, digging, diving, climbing, and exploring - searching for something already within themselves.”
The purpose of life? It’s to truly find yourself.
To spend that time with yourself. Experience who you are. Give yourself things. Have a real relationship with yourself. Get to a place where you can trust yourself and know that you are okay by yourself.
Listen, you of all chemical combinations were lucky enough to have made it here. And you may not know what is going to happen after this. You may not know if you will have this experience of a human and a body again.
Of what that means. Of who you are.
By taking time to yourself. Meditating here and there. Not letting yourself think about the next thing you need to do. To take a moment to sit back in the nothingness of the moment and just close your eyes with absolutely no goal but breathing.
Be yourself in interactions as much as possible.
Work with yourself through your fears.
It sounds crazy, but it’s a real thing to find that person in there that you’re having a relationship with. That ultimate companion of yours.
Harbor a real relationship with yourself.
And then, once you really can feel that and get with that, you aim to respect and honor all of that greatness in every other thing. The cloud formations, the way the sun hits them at sunset, the marvels of flying in an airplane, the empathy for a totally different human or animal life other than yours.
That’s the purpose of life for me, in this moment. It may change.
That is, if there is any purpose to life - any outward thing you should find yourself doing to achieve some greater connection to your existence - other than to just enjoy it. But I have to say, I believe there is.
For those that this post does not resonate with, maybe the purpose of your life is to find your own purpose.
Blessings as you do!