Breaking Your Mold

Are you feeling held down?

Are you tired of being this way?

Have you just had it?

Are you finally really ready for the transition?

You’re over every other way. You need to break loose from this.

How do you make it, how do you break your mold? 

You don’t even want to call it your own, but we need to acknowledge it.

So, what is your mold. 

Do you struggle with your voice and speaking up, do you struggle with an ADHD diagnosis, is your body bothering you, or do you find yourself in the same emotional pattern repeating the same experiences?

Let’s dive into one for example (we’ll use me since that’s what I’m here for): 

To be uncomfortably honest, I struggle with my voice and speaking up. Sometimes it’s a challenge for me to say “no.” 

This type of an issue can make it feel like people walk all over you.

I don’t always confront someone when they’re doing something that bothers me; I’m more of the type to think about it after, then text it to them when I’ve had time to process it, because texting affords me an extra layer of protection from becoming so affected by their reaction. 

Writing it down / texting also helps me put together what I want to say, so that I don’t fumble on words and so I can think about what happened (sometimes I experience difficulty with short-term memory).

Do you struggle with your voice?

Acknowledge what you think is a mold of yours that you want to break. Then dissect it to its core. Don’t leave a page unturned. Really get to know it.

What creates this mold, this issue? 

What are the easy fixes and what are the harder, less tangible ones?

Just try to see them all and label them all. Think of every possible reason and get it out onto paper. That’s all you have to do right now. This helps alleviate the weight of finding every possible reason - knowing all you have to do is write each down. You won’t avoid snatching any small or large reasons that cross your mind in this exercise because subconsciously you’ll know I’m not asking you to take on some large task to fight them all as they come. 

Simply list as many as you can. 

What are the easy fixes and what are the harder, less tangible ones?

For me, the easier fix would be targeting the short-term memory challenges with some brain activities like the apps available on our phones, taking some supplements for brain function, and maybe some exercise and a particular diet I’m sure wouldn’t hurt (pretty sure that’s a fix for everything).

But what about the harder, less tangible fixes; the inner identity, the inner confidence eaten away by what I’ve identified with as an issue, a mold of mine? The deeper inner shift of how I look at myself? The fact that I started associating with a “weakness.”

This is where things begin to get more abstract, but I’m going to make it all as tangible as possible, so bear with me. Because this is the important part. The crux. 

You see the mold, the issue you want to change. You notice that it is something that exists in this moment. Then, when it presents itself, you let go of the mental attachment you have to it. Tell yourself you’re done and work with your brain to think about something that challenges it.

Then, the mold, the familiar challenge, comes up again. 

So, see that it just came back up again, and work with your brain to let go of it again.

You see, if it’s a real issue, it may be a default for you, and come up often.

If it comes up again and again, it’s just a simple come-up-again type of thing. Let that be all it is. 

No big deal. Don’t beat yourself up. It takes some time to de-train your neurons from firing in a certain way. It’s mental exercise. It’s like we’re training you to not scream when someone jumps out from behind the corner. After a few times, maybe you’re not screaming anymore. Maybe you’re only flinching now.

And as you go through this process, know this mold is not who you are. Stop letting your mind take it to the level of identifying with it. Believe in yourself, that you’re different now. The change is being made. Maybe before anyone else believes in you, maybe before you’re even sure yourself. That’s a leap of faith. And that’s what you do in this situation. You take a leap of faith that you can change. Behave differently in pieces, before your whole system is on board. Eventually, it all will follow.

And simply acknowledge that the waves rise and fall. 

The Earth experiences waves in forms of seasons; winter, spring, summer, fall. The Earth isn’t beating itself up about winter, saying, “Gosh, Winter, you suck. Why are you here. I suck.”

No. We all know the winter cleanses the parts of the tree that are ready to go, to make space for the creation of new and stronger leaves. And so we have a peace with that process, appreciating all that it’s doing, all that is brewing.

Similarly, we need to have a peace with our own process.

These waves that come, they are not who the ocean is. The ocean is a combined body of water that supports unlimited forms of life and just happens to spurt out bits of waves on the outskirts. 

The ocean is solid, deep, deeper still - more complex than one simple wave off the coast of West Palm Beach, Florida.

And that one particular wave comes and then it goes away and fades into the ocean never to return again. That exact wave is over. It ends. 

Yet the ocean is endless.

So as these waves of your identity or a pattern you’re trying to break come and build up, all you need to do is see that it is happening and just brace yourself for the motion of it. See its beginning, its middle, and its end.

Seeing it pulls you one step out of the subjective, out of the thick of it, and one step into the objective. It’s not totally happening to you anymore. You’re starting to see from an observing perspective also.

You watch it from a bird’s-eye-view while you’re still fighting or working through the tangibility of it.

And you take a really good look at it. 

All of this, again, is simply you making the choice to acknowledge something happening.

When you’re able to take this good look at it, you’ll find that these exact waves, these exact experiences will no longer come into your life.

It’s a fact of life that nothing ever happens in the exact same way again. Instead, there are many spinoff versions of things. Life is way too complex to present the same exact experience again.

And in this case, your good look at the waves, your heightened awareness, won’t let you go through things in the same way again.

Your mind-body develops quiet but powerful and magical little antibodies to the experience.

So, keep fighting the good fight. Tell yourself that whether this mold is a personality pattern, in your DNA, environmental or whatever, you’re breaking this. 

Just as a bird breaks through the forceful gusts of wind that push between Norwegian fjords, break through, breakthrough bird.

Marisa Marulli