Taking Chances

Taking Chances

A stream of consciousness

Putting it out there
You feel so fragile
But you have to risk it
And go after what you want, right
You feel all this judgement
You re-write things a million times
You think about it
When all you really have to do is get it out
Get it off
Off your chest
Put it out into the world
Give it a chance
Birth it
To give it a chance to live or die
And if it dies
You know you let it out at least
Don’t feel embarrassed or scared
Well, don’t let those feelings get the best of you
If it’s not reciprocated you know you did what you wanted to do

Take a chance in trusting that everyone knows the you for you -
That you don’t have to prove yourself this moment for once
You can be raw and vulnerable and scared and a little out of your comfort zone of identity
You don’t have to be so confined by the identity others have in their heads of you
At the same time actually allow all that goodness you’ve shown them work for you
To take this chance freely
Where people don’t judge you for this risk you’re taking
This is life
The life you deserve

And maybe you don’t get exactly the response you’re looking for
And things aren’t crystal clear
And you’re shaking still
But a piece of you figures you’ve come this far so you are almost tempted to ask one more follow-up question
Push once more
The questions feel so vulnerable
You feel vulnerable
But you keep pushing, until.

I mean, if you feel driven like that.
Sometimes you’re more inclined to relax than others
And if you feel so pushed
Then you just go with it
How often do you get to feel so pushed? 
It’s called inspiration
Try it. 
Play with it.
Taste it. 
Why would you shoot this down? For what reason!
Go with yourself
Allow the way you feel

As for what the thing you’re after actually is for you life? 
Right or not
That unfolds as it will
But most things feel like this in the beginning
Not everything feels so great and smooth and perfect
Things are scary and uncomfortable
Some of the best things.
When you try something new
You’re nervous
You’re scared
You beat yourself up
But just remind yourself
This is your one life - as you know it in this consciousness at least
And according to that thought, this is all you’ve got
Is that one chance
That one opportunity
So put it out there

And yeah maybe you’re not settled at the exact right time right now
Which makes you feel more vulnerable
Oh man you don’t have everything together
You’re not perfectly ready

If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.
— Lemony Snicket

Maybe that’s for a reason too

You just go with it
You just live your life
There are times when you’re at your best
And there are times in between your best and your worst
Don’t give yourself any extra label on it
Any extra pressure
People will come and go
All you can do is be you
And if you keep getting rejected or shot down
Or if what you’re after is seemingly somewhat within your grasp yet eventually takes a slow and steady fade out of your life
Then it is
And you went for a ride
But that ride ends
And you get off the bus
And you begin again
Ever closer to the right thing

But now…
You’re not stressing about what could have been anymore are you
You’re fresh
You’re you
You let yourself out
You’re authentic
You’re free
You’re not still hypothesizing
100 times out of 99 you’ll feel relieved that you gave everything the shot that you were almost too scared to make
You don’t care about looking like a fool in retrospect
You don’t even think about that
If you do, that’s the part you laugh about

You think
I’m glad I know what that is now
And can identify it in relation to where I am now
I don’t care how I made myself look
None of that matters
The part that was worth anything
Was the part that I learned for myself -
That I have more comfort in my stance where I am now
That I’m another step forward on my path

Marisa Marulli2 Comments