You're Never Stuck
You’re never stuck. You need only to have eyes - the ability to take an honest look at yourself and what it would take you to get moving.
Things only stay stagnant when there’s a resistance to growth and change.
In order to find that resistance you have to take a good look at yourself, dig and find it.
Seems simple, but people hold on to their identity with everything they have. To part from it feels like self-annihilation, so they have a death grip on it. Scared to loosen their grip, they are locked into a trap.
But once you understand how allowing change actually keeps you alive, keeps things around you alive, you’ll look back and grimace at how tightly you held on. You’ll count your lucky stars that you’re not there anymore.
The effects of holding on so tight are pretty catastrophic. The trick is that in the moment you’re called to loosen your grip, to change your identity a bit, that’s what feels like the catastrophe. So that is what stops you. Fear stops you.
Alternately, have you ever been afraid that eventually you’ll have this lackluster for things in your life? You’ve experienced it before. Your new TV suddenly seems so trivial. You’re over your job, relationship. Things become mundane.
Instead of looking at this and thinking, “Let me begin the process of getting to the root of what truly makes me happy,” you invest deeper and deeper into the way your life is now. You build a house on it. You get more invested into it, you engrain it more into your identity - and thus you become even more petrified to break these layers you’ve invested so much into.
So you’re in a relationship. You’re married. You have your nice house, your new car, your cushy job.
You want to go to South America. You want to live in Patagonia.
But you consider it just a dream - or unreasonable. Read this slowly: You consider your deepest longing for your life as just a dream. All it is to you is a sentence - you just use your dream in a sentence all the time: “I’d love to live there.”
A sentence is all it is to you now because you’d have to change and let go of many ‘things’ to actually get there, so you don’t.
And then, suddenly, you have no interest in your job. Or your relationship falls apart, you lose interest in the other.
Yeah, probably the relationship isn’t right for you, but the reason it falls apart, the reason it isn’t right for you, is that you two aren’t growing together. She’s just as comfortable in her half-happy, but settled and controlled life as you are. That’s the type of person each of you are. You’re not pushing each other. You’re each not expanding.
There’s nothing wrong with this type of life. Some people love it and are happy with it. It may get you a pleasurable life, but if you have deep and authentic longings for greater things, this way won’t get you an authentic and deeply lived and felt life. Everything will eventually become stale if you hop from one material ‘thing’ or accomplishment to the other.
So, if you do have longings and if you do feel stuck, dig up your root and move to better climate for your variety.
Choose to be awake. Surround yourself with people who are truly awake. Choose not to drown in the numbness of 'things.'
Choose to be more intimately connected to and aware of life, its changes, its ebbs and flows, the internal process of change, and continue to move and grow even when it isn’t comfortable anymore. Choose people who want the same.
When you have the divine privilege to go further, you need to go. Let's really examine it: We’re not talking some major life setback by getting out of your hometown and to the place you want to be. You’re just talking sacrifices or discomfort for a little while. Maybe it creates a smaller budget. Maybe it creates a contraction in your relationship, but you do it together, you do it consciously. You choose life and to grow, together, and there’s no way that love will ever die.
Accept change of identity, growth and morph with the seasons. Don’t be too scared to do what it takes to truly live in this life. Have the courage to face the unknown.
This is what will free you because this is life.
Merriam-Webster defines "life" as:
An organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction.
Life is about metamorphosis. Not even the seasons can stay the same for more than a few months.
No wonder you can easily get sick of something or someone, when you yourself are sticking to an old, layered identity and suppressing part of your divine potential.
So loosen that grip on your identity already, and live a living, breathing, changing life.
I once heard someone say that luck will show up for people and it will leave them, but if you’re constantly working on and improving who you are - game over (in a good way).
And so, I believe that if you’re constantly challenging the staircase you're climbing, taking turns up and down new paths, you’ll create and enter whole universes of new possibilities for yourself.